To be or not to be... SORRY....

Dear readers,
I had quite an interesting "yesterday"... i was actually happy to know that i was really booked out for the day... with work then, a luncheon followed by a photoshoot in the evening and the finale my usual asian night out with my asian possy...

While work took the major part of my day away, i did really enjoy the photoshoot... hmm i should get some of those pics to be put up in my blog. My dear friend little miss X AKA the photographer had this really funky idea about photographing my silhuette. So later that evening i was off to get my photos taken with my little foxtail... We will have to see what the finished products actually look like once they are washed.

Later on i headed down to the opiumden (yes i know it sounds cheezy and sleazy but i love it), with Little mr J. Here i was, thinking that it would be another non-event night but soon the gossips started to roll in...

The most prominent one was about little mr T, who had been dating my ex... Little mr M. Little mr T gently broke the news to me about his err break up with little mr M... I dont know what it was that kicked into my system... but i had real mixed feelings about this particular break up. Since the terms of Little mr T and my friendship had always been somewhat akward, i rationalised this because he was the boy who was dating one of my ex's; friends opening the ex-files is almost as dangerous as lighting a fuse to TNT.

Besides little mr T has always been a little bad boy... YES i never really trusted him with my ex's feelings... tis selfish but true. He was the sort of boy who wasnt going to be satisfied with just one "jack and the giant peaches" and this bothered me alot during the years. Especially since i knew that Little mr M was through and through a MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP kind of boy. I wondered why Little mr T decided to let me in on the reasons for his break up before Little mr M could get in touch with me... was this some way of salvaging his tarnished repoire?

I personally am trapped between feeling sorry for the break up or feeling happy for the break up... Tho i think deep down... i feel no guilt in taking pleasure knowing that the relationship is over... This is what they must mean by taking a "guilty pleasure".

xoxoxoxoxo

Fucked....

Dear readers, i do apologise for my tardyness in keeping my blog updated but i have been busy busy busy....or lazy lazy lazy... +^_^+ so be prepared ; this is gonnna be a long one... sit back and enjoy....

Lately i have started another new job at a store in smith street called Mr & Mrs smith. The people there are quite nice and i do relish in the thought that my phantom boss (the one i have only met once for the maximum of 5 mins) is a gay man who is a hairdresser. I even had the pleasure of him mentioning that he saw me out at the peel one night with my asian possy.... Besides that i have also been trying to collaborate a photographer friend of mine to create a range of things. Who knows? maybe we could become the next big thing +^_^+

Other than the fabulous changes i have had fashioning my career, i have been... oh no wait... was going out with this boy called Mr Scott oh for approximately two weeks of solid dating. It was all going so well until after the two weeks alittle someone decided that he didnt want anything i quote..."relationshippy".... And underestimating my "like" for him or totally ignoring my feelings at the moment about him he just conveniently trampled over my little hmm now non existant heart.

I keep on thinking that men nowadays are so completely lost in the quest of a perfect career that they have forgotten the need for a balance in life... it leaves me questioning if i was the one that had it all wrong? is it possible that men were just not ment to commit? am i the only one in the queer world around my age who is looking for the one and not to sleep with different versions of the one.

Adding to that dilemma there is also the stupidity that i think is ingrained into the male society (present company excluded) where they all try to let you down easy by not really addressing the problems they are finding in the relationship!? BOYS seriously the "im not ready because my job is my priority" line just doesnt cut it... especially since you then have time to go date/fuck other boys.

I mean ethically if you were going to decide that you just wanted sex, then at least let us know on the first night that we meet because then you wont just lead a trail of breadcrumbs that to anger,remorse and or dispair... trust me you dont want to fuck with the fairies. This boy practically crushed my belief in which there is maybe someone out there for me... but knowing my luck he is probably somewhere half way across the world, and when i do eventually decide to visit that region of the world he would probably be on holidays in melbourne.

Aparently, it takes you half the total time in which you have dated a person to totally get them out of your system. I got told that you cant push yourself into feeling good after a break up. What kind of warped idea is that? is there only one way to feel after a break up??

Of course there is always the crying to your girlfriends stage, and stage where you virtually try and replay what you hated about him over and over again in your head...But a thought suddenly occured to me... what if you didnt have anything that you actually hated about him? what if you really thought that it was going to work out despite what your friends didnt like about him?

What are the rules to the break up game? should someone ease you into the break up slowly although you know that it was inevitable? All these big questions....
but... Suddenly it hit me...Why am i worried about what they are thinking when i should be thinking about What i want. This is probably my way of expressing some internal ego illness... and its pretty depressing. I thought i had left Malaysia to escape the hustle and bustle of the "keep up with the jonasas" lifestyle; to a more quiet and less stressfull life but who would have known that my dream of being a singular, non attracted or unavaliable to mens stupidity or idiotic ways dream would all roll into spit-ball in the corner of my room...

My dear little miss CY is still hellbent on me becoming sticky rice but deep down i dont know if im totally convinced on the matter of going international. It must be something about not losing the bet we made... And while my eyes always seem to skip and skim over the rice variaty of my peers/queers, i have had certain urges just to ahem ahem look... with intent. Maybe i should give it a go +^_^+ who knows what ill find.... ahem ahem dont laugh little miss CY and little miss CM!

Well its time for me to go... so remember... in case of emergencies dial "000"h

xoxoxoxoxo